By It turns out there’s a drawback to having what is functionally an online journal for six years, even if you mostly just write about books.
Recently, I haven’t been thinking much about this blog. A year or two ago, I removed a lot of content from this site in a sudden horror-struck realization that it was still up and collecting metaphorical dust and non-metaphorical views. Since then, I’ve posted a few reviews, but there were long months of silence and the old passion wasn’t there. I had other things to focus on. I was busy with school, work, relationships, friendships, life, and other hobbies–but I also kind of avoided thinking about the existence of this site because it reminded me of a time in my life and a version of myself I would rather not dwell on.
I am not the same person I was when I created this website. Frappes & Fiction was created nearly six years ago and sustained during its heyday by someone I don’t really like to remember was me: a very lonely and miserable teenager that was desperate for any type of validation and thought she knew everything about the world despite her very sheltered worldview. I wrote a lot about what I felt impassioned by at the time, which now makes me cringe–hindsight is 20/20, of course, but god, I really thought that Book Twitter bullshit was real-life. Like plenty of others I know who ended up as leftists, I had a right-wing debate bro type of phase as a teenager, which was apparent from the kind of things I’d write about on here.
College really changed me. Maybe I got got by the woke mind virus, or maybe I just met people outside my bubble, learned about the real world, and gained some humility… whichever sounds most likely, I guess. Anyway, even though I’ve done plenty of personal development since high school, this site remained an inherent reminder of a person I am ashamed of and regard with consternation. It’s not only the out-of-touch opinions that bother me, though–it’s also that when I was the most active on this site coincided with the worst few years of my life, and something about the blog just brings those feelings back.
But, as I was thinking recently… it really doesn’t have to stay that way. I have already built up this platform. Why abandon it instead of reclaiming it as a part of my current-day self and life? Why not return to it and continue to update it with the thoughts and opinions of the person I am now? Why not re-route the association in my mind, so that I can bring my perception of this site back into congruity with my current self, instead of keeping it as a relic of the past?
I don’t know why I’m writing this post, really–I’ve removed (hopefully) everything I ever posted that I don’t stand by, and you probably wouldn’t be able to tell anything about what I used to post. I guess I’m just writing it as a sort of catharsis, and as a reminder to myself to return to this hobby.
Frappes and Fiction 
Life is interesting like that. I go through bouts of time where I don’t touch my blog. I’ll come back and realize that a book I review back in 20-whatever is still popular and I really wish people would tell me their “why”. Why that book specifically. I don’t pay for anything so the analytics are out of reach for me. I only know that they all were directed from a browser.
I digress…
I’ve definitely contemplated my blogging identity. I, like yourself, started blogging at a rough time in my life. A way to try to hide behind a screen without feeling guilty because I was doing something creative. Before the days of Instagram and the popularity of Reddit.
Since then I’ve tried to play with my “public persona” a bit. I’ve grown and decided some new moves along the way. Talking more about what I’ve enjoyed and less about the memes and vlog-like dramas that I’ve seen and you always feel like you’re walking into the middle of a conversation.
Anyways, I look forward to your future posts. I hope you keep at them!
Krys
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Thanks! Yeah, for sure. I started blogging during the pandemic as a way to get all my thoughts out about the books I read. At the time I was 15, awkward, bullied at school, etc. and untreated for a plethora of mental illnesses. It became my identity and escape. In college I was much happier and I posted less bc I went through a huge personal shift (as I talked about in the post) Ironically, it was in those recent years that my blog started getting a TON of views from search engines, which I would have killed for back when I started blogging. I like that blogging is less like being an influencer with people obsessing over you and your life and more like being a semi-anonymous writer, where someone may discover your review or essay serendipitously.
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I forgot you did too. Until today, for some random reason 🙂
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Omg LOL. How’ve you been?
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